Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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