I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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