we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize