I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize