Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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