this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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