I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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