She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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