I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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