Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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