Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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