I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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