I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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