woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize