he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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