honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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