Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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