so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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