I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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