Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
what the fuck happened to the tacos
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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