omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize