You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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