Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize