Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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