Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize