You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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