The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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