Just fell off a train. Bad.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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