I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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