another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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