Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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