That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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