Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
there is glitter all over my balls
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