You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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