i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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