She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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