Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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