Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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