Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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