why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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