we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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