I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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