I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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