3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
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Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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