I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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