My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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