i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize