and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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