Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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