I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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