my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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